Every website I go to has an ad that says something like, "You have a secret admirer! Click here to read your 1 new message." Like, screw you. If I had a secret admirer, he wouldn't contact me through an ad on a web page. He would write me notes by hand and string them to long-stemmed roses - red, not white - that he'd carefully plucked the thorns off of, one by one. He would leave these tokens of his love around my workspace, and watch my reaction from afar. Then, once he'd worked up the nerve, he'd approach me.

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From there my mind draws a blank. Help me with this fantasy, people!